Is There, Like, A Rip In the Time Space Continuum?
by I Am the Batman Dag Nab It
Summary: What did Jackson REALLY mean when he said: "Once we're at the gate, I'll follow you to the terminal. We'll hit star bucks, grab a couple of lattes, kill ten, 15 minutes till I get the call that Keefe's been taken out. And then I walk out of your life." Crackfic. There. You have been warned.


**A_UTHORS NOT_E: **This is the revamped and reposed version of this story. So some of you may have read this before. I have changed things up a bit, feel free to re-read it and tell me what you think.

**A_UTHORS NOT_E Part 2: **This is an idea that came to me after watching Red Eye for the millionth time. Me taking things too literally, I turned his quote about the lattes into a joke. Enjoy!

_"Once we're at the gate, I'll follow you to the terminal. We'll hit star bucks, grab a couple of lattes, kill ten, 15 minutes till I get the call that Keefe's been taken out. And then I walk out of your life."_ -Jackson Rippner

**-AT THE GATE-**

**FLASH BACK: **_"Once we're at the gate…"_

"What?" Lisa dumbly questioned, blankly staring at the sight before her. And she'll be damned if it wasn't a sight.

Jackson looked over to Lisa and repeated her, "What?"

"This is the gate? The gates of Heaven?" In front of Lisa were two shiny gates gleaming like the golden sun, or some deep crap of the like.

"What's wrong with that?" Jackson was getting angry with all of her questions.

"How- how did… This isn't… How could we have possibly gotten here?" Said Lisa with tears threatening to spill. No, really. Her tears were literally yelling death threats and profanity at her. One tear was even welding an AK-47. That tear was named Billy-Bob. In addition, he had a mustache. Of gold. He stole it from an elderly citizen. That's just how badass he is. Unfortunately, Lisa wiped her eyes. As Billy-bob was smeared painfully over the surface of her cheek, the tears warmth caused Lisa's pours to open up. Once each part of Bill-bob's body was separated into different pours, it was then, the pours closed back up, and the lone tear ceased to exist.

Not even acknowledging Billy-bob's memory, Jackson gave Lisa a fixed stare, and then proceeded to ignore her.

Lisa on the other hand gave the subject a little more thought. She didn't know if she should feel insulted, or angry at his lack of response. Maybe a little of both?

Whatever. Their place in line was finally at the front. Jackson looked at the kid sitting behind the desk.

And the kid behind the desk looked at Jackson.

And Jackson looked back at the kid sitting behind the desk.

And the kid sitting behind the desk looked back at Jackson.

And no one paid any attention to the man behind the curtain. He felt insulted.

Then, oddly, just like that, they were let into Heaven.

At that moment, Lisa remembered part of what Jackson said they would do:

_"I'll follow you to the terminal…"_

She had to ask, "What's a terminal."

Jackson made a face. What kind of face? A clown face! Complete with make-up and everything. He also fought the strange urge to ask, _"Why so serious?" _And Lisa fought the strange urge to be a fucking dumb ass and get herself blown to Timbuktu. But, I digress. Jackson couldn't answer her question. He wasn't sure what a terminal was himself. He lazily offered, "It sounds like terminator." That was the best he could do at the moment.

Without any time to comprehend, the Arnold Schwarzenegger Terminator appeared before them.

The Arnold Schwarzenegger Terminator had little to say. But what he did say had a meaning. Such a meaning, that one could only believe the person who said what was said meant business. "Come with me, if you want to live."

Lisa was, fair enough, pissed. First, she is kidnapped by a gorgeous assassin, then apparently she's not worth a response that would have taken seconds, and now, standing in front of her, was a Terminator.

"You're not human! Last time I checked, you can't be here in Heaven!" Lisa infuriately screamed.

"Can too!" Obviously the Terminator had been hanging around stubborn 5-year-olds being as he is suppose to adapt to his surroundings.

"Well, Lisa, he DID die in Terminator 2: Judgment Day." Jackson stated with a calm diameter.

"That still doesn't explain why-" Lisa tried, but failed. The Terminator was gone. Almost as if he wasn't ever there! Dramatic stuff, that's what that is.

Just ignore the large, giggling lump underneath the out-of-place blanket… He's gone alright.

Walking up to the Starbucks, Jackson pulled out his trusty sledgehammer. Before Lisa could start asking questions, again, Jackson began to "hit," the Starbucks.

_"We'll hit Starbucks…"_

Those were Jackson's exact words. Maybe if she could remember more of what he said, she could find some way out of this mess! Just when she had her eyes closed, and ready to think, she heard crying. It was the lattes!

_"…Grab a couple of lattes…"_

Jackson was kidnapping the lattes!

_"…Kill Ten, Fifteen Minutes…"_

"Ten and Fifteen Minutes must die! Muwahaha!" That was the noise that assaulted Lisa's ears before she saw Jackson throw the scolding hot lattes on Mister and Missus Minutes in which killing them. What can I say? He's got mad skillz, yo.

Just then, Jackson's phone rings. "Yeah… Uh-huh… Okay."

_"…I'll get the call that Keefe's been taken out…"_

Lisa thought she was going to be sick. Keefe was dead. She couldn't help herself but to confirm the fact.

"He's dead?" She barely heard the words spill out of her mouth. If she managed to actually speak, she wasn't sure. Just when she was about to repeat her self, Jackson spoke up.

"Dead? No, Lisa. You idiot! Is that what you thought I meant all of this time?" Jackson screamed out in anger and disbelief.

"Well, yeah. You said the Keefe's were history!"

"Yes! The name 'Keefe' is! By "taken out," I mean I went on a date with him, and he love's me more then his nagging wife, and whinny imbeciles that his nagging wife calls kids! We're going to get married and he'll be taking my last name as a symbolic jester!"

"That's what you've been planning? Your weren't going to kill him, just take him on a date?" Lisa couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Yes." Jackson replied dumbly.

"But you were here throughout it all! You couldn't have gone on a date with him!"

"Oh, but I'm not Jackson!" He then plastered an evil grin on his face.

"Then who, pray tell, are you?"

Jackson lowered his voice to sound deep, and gruff. "…it's not who I _am _on the inside, but what I **do **that defines me." Then he flew away dramatically, and no one heard from him ever again.

Until he came back, that is. Then Lisa remembered the last thing he had said:

_"…And then I walk out of your life."_

Lisa didn't utter a word, nor did Jackson as he walked away. He had most likely damaged his throat talking like Batman. Lisa soon followed suit, and started on her own journey away. However, she heard his voice mumble something.

"Ah, damn it!" Jackson started.

"What?" Lisa asked.

Jackson continued, "The door to your life is stuck!"

-**THE END**-


End file.
